Well, thank god I just went up to the Hollywood Bowl to get my tickets for the season! I'm feeling inspired. I've been absent from writing for too long now. And it hasn't been for lack of words or thoughts or adventures, but I think just for lack of routine. Being without a job for so many moons can really disrupt the structure of the day to day. But, alas, I'm employed again, happily so, but that's an adjustment too.
Funny life. I had forgotten how it feels to work every day and learn the lives of new people and introduce who I am and sometimes get anxiety in the mornings and other times just want to break down and cry because I mostly don't understand the world too much and then sometimes feel so very blessed to have gotten the one job I actually wanted and come home and feel like I'm really doing this all right in my own sensitive and loving way. And, for the most part, what I've been thinking about is how this very life of mine is like one of those choose your own adventure books that are most certainly not around any more, only I can't go back and try all of the different options like I used to when I was young and just reading. Sigh.
But this morning! It was the rainstorm of the century and, oh, is there nothing more beautiful to me than a good solid rainstorm! Knowing the delicate disposition of my comrades here in LA, I decided it would probably be the perfect day to walk up to the Hollywood Bowl and procure my tickets without having to wait in line. So, with boots on and umbrella in hand I ventured up to the box office. And the only things I was worried about were getting splashed by cars driving through the puddles and getting smashed by a hydroplaning vehicle. Other than that, I was humming "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" just about the whole walk there.
Then, there, reunited with my happy place, in the rain, I just felt good. No line, as speculated, and at the box office I did what I have now realized is my annual goofball routine because I just get so excited and giddy and am kind of jumping for joy and clapping as the tickets are being secured for none other than yours truly and that person on the other side of the window tends to be quite amused. And this time, I think that person was really quite amused and appreciated my enthusiasm and told me I came on a great day because most Angelenos are not so intrepid when it rains and I said, "Well, mister, this Angeleno is intrepid when just about anything." And when all was said and done, he handed me two vouchers, because I braved the rain, for two free tickets to certain other shows (which is four free tickets!) and I was clapping and jumping for joy again.
On the walk back, I was just about the happiest girl ever. And I thought of my life. And the paths I choose, and those I don't but get flung down anyhow. You kinda gotta be intrepid.
I breathed in the rain and I felt lucky, for everything.
I felt lucky that I got a break from working for four whole months, because I never would have chosen that path, and it was a true gift in so many ways. I got to dig in to the city and in to life even more. I learned to love Rothko with darling Zooey and explored this bookstore downtown called The Last Bookstore that is just filled to the brim and thankfully exists and we spent a long afternoon at El Cid with family and friends on the hidden patio in the sunshine and there were game nights and the Yamashiro farmer's market started up again and there have been days doing absolutely nothing and a lot of contemplation and reading and cooking and I am just thankful, I guess. By what grace was I given that time?
I do not know how this works. That's something I do know. And I know that I love it. For all its confusion, I love it. The worries and heartbreak and giddy ticket window dances and the rain and all of the mundane moments that somehow feel so holy sometimes, just for being.