What good times this writing is bringing my way! It seems like it's motivating my friends to get out and do things with me, as they want to help provide me with fodder for this. And I think they're enjoying it as much as I. Thank you friends for loving me and helping me.
I had a fun and insightful brunch with Bethany and Jessica the other day at Solar de Cahuenga, which is sort of our bi-weekly tradition, which I love, I must say. We just catch up and analyze everything and love being together and laugh and learn and constantly become better. This particular time, we ended up discussing being brave and especially me being brave, especially in regards to love and relationships, because I know I've been going the safe route with that one these days. Allowing men into my life that just adore me but I'm rather indifferent and I know I can leave and keep my independence.
I mean, I think about this a lot these days. And it's important for me to realize that I am scared sometimes. So that I can consciously try and be vulnerable, and let myself risk, I suppose you could say, rejection. To not worry about what might surmise, but to just put my whole heart out there and try. To let myself want something even if I am not absolutely sure it will want me back. It does seem the only way to do it. And it is scary. But who gets anywhere by being afraid? And what do you ever have to lose, really, when it comes to trying to get something you don't already have? And relationships, anyway, they're all about being vulnerable. And really being who you are the whole time, unabashed, so that you can truly know if it feels right.
So, we're at the heart of all of this, eating our delicious breakfast, as usual, and digging deeper into the topic and really getting to the revelations and then this girl walks by outside wearing bright pink footie pajamas in all seriousness, with a nice bag and all, and we all just stared, confounded and snickering for a minute, and, then, I was just like, "You know what? If she can walk down the street in that, then I can be brave in everything." And we all laughed, but at the same time were like…seriously. That's it. I mean, it's true. Who are we trying to impress? What else should we be being but ourselves? That was the final nudge I needed to live what I know is true. Thank you to the girl in the fuchsia footie jammies! Thank you. I can be brave in everything. I might as well be.
Well, after that discussion, we decided it was time for a night out. So we planned on going to play darts at the Cat & Fiddle, an old favorite haunt of mine. We gathered quite a crew, seven of us, which is an LA miracle, to say the least! Only one friend couldn't make it because of a prior obligation, and I would say, it was to his loss, but who's to say, but me. Though I think it was one of the finest game nights in history. So we were going in to it with an uneven number for teams, but it worked out beautifully, and possibly for the better, as we had to make teams that we probably would not have considered had it been otherwise. It was a great roster of company. Bethany and her boyfriend Johnny, Jessica and Agatha and our friends Scott and Jonathan. And me.
Cat & Fiddle has one of the best patios in all of LA, in my humble opinion. All greenery and a big fountain and it's set back off of Sunset Boulevard, so it's like this beautiful little enclave in the midst of Hollywood.
So we all met up ready for a good night of darting. When we first got there, we all ordered a drink at the bar. After about a sip, I had a classic moment of me being me in this world. I asked the bartender if we could get darts from him and he said, "Can I have your ID?" And I paused for a second and just looked at him all confused and innocent and said, "How old do you have to be to play darts?!?"
Oh, god, that was good! The bartender gave me a blank stare, as he was trying to figure out what sort of person he was dealing with, for god's sake. I remained dumbfounded for a minute and then I finally caught on. And a beat later, everyone just started laughing hysterically! I mean, he just needed my ID as insurance for the darts! Who am I, I often wonder? How old do you have to be to play darts? My friends declared that to be one of my most legendary quotes. Which, well, it sort of is. But they've come to expect those very spontaneous, naive moments from me. Bethany sometimes says it's like I just stepped out of fairy land or something, like, what world am I living in?
Anyway, we got that all figured out and I got my darts and left my ID with the bartender. And off to the dartboard we went. With an uneven number of people, we configured various teams, but in the end decided on boys against girls. Old school style. Like middle school old school.
Everyone decided to get dinner first, except me. I opted out because, well, English food is just not my favorite. I mean, I like peas and all, but. I will say, however, that I think the Cat & Fiddle changed the menu up a bit since last I went. It seemed more extensive and less English, which was nice, and everyone's dishes looked rather appealing if one were privy to eating such things.
Then off to the dartboard. That was a good game! We established early on that none of us were exactly experts. However, I will still stand by my enthusiasm, born that night, for us joining a dart league. I don't know if the others quite shared my sentiment, but they humored the idea nonetheless. Gotta love friends for that.
So the match was pretty close all the while. I think we all played well, improved, and each had our shining moments, but when it came to the end, the girls just needed two bull's eyes to close out the game and we each took our turn and tried with all of our might to just nail it, with some close calls, and then Bethany gets up to bat, and that girl, in a moment of true sportsmanship, just sends those things flying, two in a row, into that bullseye and we come out champions! Amazing. We are still amazed. I might forever be.
This I know. It all takes bravery. Throwing a dart even when you're not good at it, talking to someone you might really like, opening your heart, letting people see the real you, without fear of being judged, without fear of the consequences. We need to be brave to get anywhere.
And I have to remind myself that the joy in my heart and my enchantment with life are indestructible. So I never need to think I am risking anything by putting myself out there. Because I always have myself to come back to. I might lose a lot of things in this life, maybe even a game of darts someday, but me, that I will never lose.
And, just in case it seemed like I made up the footie jammies thing to make my case, Bethany and I did a small recon mission after breakfast for proof.