Monday, November 28, 2011


photos: Jonathan Mash

No adventure this week since I just moved in to a new apartment, completely spontaneously.  The apartment next door to me just opened up last week and I walked in there out of curiosity and immediately felt like it was meant for me.  Like it was a doorway into a new trajectory that has just been waiting for me to be ready for it.  So I moved in.  I thanked my sweet tiny studio for giving me six years and it was overflowing with memories, but I knew it so deeply, it was time to move on. 

So, I found out I had to paint my old apartment back to white on Thanksgiving.  No Thanksgiving parties, no football all afternoon (oh, bummer).  My friend Jonathan offered to help me, and, thank the lord he did, as I would have been standing there with a roller in my hand, and a paint bucket, staring at the wall just going, uhhhhhhhh.  So he was a master painter and I made him a victory Thanksgiving feast in return.  In my new huge kitchen for which I am, perhaps, the most grateful.

I am thankful for my whole entire life right now and the little alterations that seem to be occurring.  Strangely, I've found, with my new apartment, everything else seems to be changing as well.  For the better.  Way for the better. In subtle ways that just feel right.  Like how I'm up early right now sitting at a cafe with a big bowl of coffee and a croissant and I feel the same joy and fascination in the world that I do when I'm traveling.  

Which is what I wanted to happen with this writing experiment.  To travel around LA and through my life and welcome whatever it has to show me.  And somehow, it's working in even the smallest ways.  I'm seeing the city with new eyes, even if I'm doing the same things I've always done.  And life feels good and I am embracing this strange and simple happiness it seems to be bringing to me.  I do wonder, where did this constant current of alchemy come from that seems to have befallen me?

Maybe it's because I've been so intent on being brave recently.  And really just trusting life and pushing fear to the wayside and not over-thinking everything and being myself as much and as fully as possible.  Maybe that's it.  When you just decide to do exactly what feels right, what feels like it's coming from your truest most pure heart of hearts, like the heart that made decisions when you were young and free and unsullied by the heavy weary work of making it through this world, then you find that life sort of takes you in its clutches and gives you all that you need.  Maybe?

Anyway, I'm beginning to feel like I am becoming ever more me every day.  And it kind of started with this blog and then I got the apartment, and a happiness and drive has taken over. And life is beginning to seem more incredible than it has felt in a long time.  And that's saying a lot, coming from a girl who has always been acutely, almost painstakingly aware of how incredible life is.  But, seriously, lately.  Just this existence, it's almost overwhelming how it unfolds. 

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