Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas









Well, Christmas came and went.  And how unusually beautiful it is in my life, still, even now.  This holiday that once felt like it would always be spent with my family and a tree and the warm fireplace burning, watching the winter snow fall outside of frosted windows. I don't know what I was thinking once, that I forgot that there would be a long stretch of my life out in the world on my own. That there would be many Christmas days to be experienced between the family I came from and the family I might one day create.  That, it never occurred to me, my parents could move away from the town I grew up in, that we might lose some of us along the way, sweet daddy, and Christmas would change because everything changes eventually.  

I'm not quite sure where I came up with my early info on life.  But, boy, do I know how it is now. That, my friends, I can say with conviction.

So my family now gathers after Christmas, usually in January, in sunny California. When I can take a few days off from work and go sing and cook and be with those who know and love me to the core and I can feel like a child again.  Mommy, my sister and Stefan, love of her life, and my brother, and somehow dad's always there too, though I can't explain it.

But Christmas, actual Christmas, it's always something new here in LA.  This year, my friends Bethany and Jessica and I continued a tradition begun last year.  Bethany and I go to Jessica's on Christmas eve for dinner and board games and wine and a gift exchange.  We were all so excited to continue the tradition again this year.  And, I mean, there's no snow and we're gathered around a tree in an apartment warmed by a heater, and it still feels so much like Christmas, it really does, maybe because there is so much love there.  Well, and presents under the sparkling tree always help in setting the mood, too.  And Christmas jammies and a slumber party.  

And Jessica's girlfriend always joins us later in the evening, after Christmas with her family, and this time she made us the best home-made mac and cheese and joined us for some rounds of my board game, Hoopla, and her idea of a board game, Pictionary on their huge flat screen tv via everyone's iphones.  Now that was interesting, because I kept blurting out a stream of answers like I always do and, I guess, you're just supposed to type answers on your phone.  But I can't hold it in.  I have always blurted a continual stream of answers out and so I couldn't help doing it still.  I like the interacting with people board games much better, that's my conclusion from that little experiment.  I mean, screens are only so interesting.

But the whole night, I loved it.  It's just so sweet to find ways to re-invent the holiday, at this phase of my life, and to have found friends here to spend it with, recent friends that love me to the core.   I feel like I know now, wiser girl that I am, that it's up to me to see the value in life as it is.  To create whatever unconventional Christmas we come up with. To find ways to honor life for being just what it is, because it is such a hallowed experience, even if everything does change so much, difficult as it is.  

That's the thing, though.  It seems like that's sort of the point.  We lose everything but our experiences.  So, we can't really worry about things changing and ending, but only of not experiencing them before they do.  And so it's up to us to find ways to enjoy things the way they are right now.  Because, it's one thing to love and trust stability, the expected, the things that feel right and easy, that make us feel secure, that make sense to us. But it seems so much more important to love and trust the unanticipated, the difficult, the new.  If the resilience of our love and trust is never tested, how do we know that we have any faith in what is at all?  I know now, for myself, I honor this divine existence not by trying to figure it out, but by believing in it.  

Which I am proving in writing this still.  Because it is not going the way I expected it to and I am not even doing the things I foresaw, but it is going somewhere, and I am doing things.  So, I don't have the reins, but the horse knows the way to carry the sleigh.  And I'm on board for it.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Dream










Well, nothing this week, again.  My good feeling was premature, I guess.  And I harassed four different friends to join me on excursions, so it wasn't for lack of effort on my part, but times are tough right now, it seems.  Holidays are hectic.  At least that's my excuse for them and I'm sticking to it, because I just know this will kick in at some point.  Honestly, I think I'm venturing out less these last few weeks than ever here.  So I know that it's possible.  Just, I've got to be patient.

I was so close to not even writing today because, I mean, nothing happened.  I'm really determined to have some real life experiences to speak of, like fun stuff, but it's slow going. However, the plan was to post once a week, and I will not deter.  No sir, I will not.  

So, listen.  This is the best I've got.  I went to Whole Foods yesterday with Bethany to get sandwiches, as we often do (I know, awesome story).  Need I say, it's like my own little Mecca.  Always has been from my days in college in Boulder when we'd go during lunchtime and take what we called the sample tour for lunch.  Ah, god, college, Boulder, don't get me started, those were the days.  Learning and freedom, two of my favorite things.  Yet, though I reminisce a lot, I will never be one of those people who thinks the best days of my life are behind me.  The best days of my life are now and they just keep spilling forth.

In any case, this was a good trip to the market as I finally figured out where they stash the $1.99 wine.  On Thanksgiving I found a $6.99 bottle of wine and when I was checking out, the cashier that I've always had a secret crush on told me he thinks the $1.99 wine is better.  I was shocked that they even sold wine that cheap and was determined to find it on my next visit, but I looked high and low to no avail.  And I had the same cashier and told him that he needs to show me where they keep that business the next time I come in.  But then he wasn't there on my next trip, so I scoured and scoured. No luck.  

Yesterday, though, I found it.  It's by the sandwich counter.  Sneaky.  Not even in the wine section.  So you've got to know where it is to get the deal of the century.  I feel like I'm in a secret club now.  I don't know what that club is, exactly.  Probably not the most honorable society.  Cheap winos, that would be my first guess.  But hey, it's a hearty crew, until I can graduate and afford the pricier stuff.

Now, I say nothing happened this past week.  But that's selling life short.  There's kind of always something happening and it's always pretty amazing to me.  Just being here, experiencing it.  It's a lot.  

I marvel at this world, I really do.

I mean, seriously, what dream is this life? How is this possible? I had a dream that I was on a huge ball of soil and rock and water and trees but it was completely suspended, unhinged, and spinning really fast. Only, I wasn't stuck to it, but could move around and walk and dance and skip and run. And I was with other people and could even have secret crushes on some of them and some I just loved so much and didn't know why but we just got along and my life was better because of them.  And I felt so much, so much all of the time, with every new day.  

And sometimes, the sky was bright pink and golden and just got brighter and brighter and then sometimes it was coral and pale blue and shining goodbye and then it turned dark and black but speckled with small spots of light all over.  And one big spot of light changed shape and grew and shrunk over time.  And as I watched it, I changed shape too, I grew and altered and everyone else changed too.  I didn't understand it, but I loved it all the same.

Really, this preposterous, magnificent life…what dream is this?  Sometimes I think I could do nothing forever and still be amazed by it.  But, I think tomorrow I am actually booked to go out into the world of LA with a friend.  You know, at this point, I'm not counting the eggs just yet, but I think so.  I do. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

AT&T








photos by Jonathan Mash (it was really really bright that morning!)


Well, another week's adventure lost to moving in and trying to get my internet up and running.  Basically I've spent my nights making friends on the phone with AT&T representatives and my days off waiting for, entertaining and acting therapist to AT&T technicians.  Which, I'm very good at, don't get me wrong.  One girl I had laughing hysterically on the phone because I said that when I was making my way through the instructions while setting up my non-working internet, it said very boldly that if I had problems, just go to att.com.  I mean, really?  She just died laughing saying how funny that was and she never thought of that before, that it's just rubbing it in my face that I couldn't get my internet working.  Anyway, I'm good at handling these things.  And making people laugh, I guess.  

And I realize that I wasn't always so patient and understanding.  I did used to get frustrated and upset when anything got difficult.  And I thought that things just weren't going my way.  And that I was unlucky or something.   But I've spent a while in the world now, and I think I've sort of got it down.  How it works.  Which makes it easier.

I've been thinking about that during my varied four-hour windows of waiting for technicians.  It's interesting to me to see that most people expect the world to run how they think it should instead of how it actually does.  I swear if you just realize that it operates how it does operate, you will be a able to navigate it much better and it will be so much more enjoyable.  Like, most people think, in the world that they've created, that there isn't traffic, and no long lines, and planes always take off on time and babies don't cry and cars always run and everyone is nice.  I mean, if you just look at the world for a little while, it doesn't take much to get it figured out.  And if you see it as it is, you realize that most things don't work the way you want them to.   Once you understand that, you can adjust yourself.  

Instead of expecting it, for some reason, to fit in to your image of what you want it to be, and getting angry and frustrated every time it doesn't, expect it to be what it is.  Ah, here I am, on the tarmac for an hour with babies crying, yeah, that's life.  Oh, I'm in a long line at the market and only have five minutes to get to where I have to be, funny, so true.  The bank is closed today, and I have this check I need to cash, well, banks are closed on holidays.  Stuck in traffic again in LA, now that doesn't surprise me.  

Seriously, it seems like most people get upset at the way the world is.  And that doesn't seem fair.  I mean, you can get angry at things that are way out of the norm, I guess, like an asteroid hitting your house, but not at things that are standard operation.  Most things in life are unreliable.  And so we get to adapt as we go.  And that makes it interesting and that makes it the adventure that it is.  And it also gives us the opportunity to choose how we react.  Do you want to get mad or do you want to be the person who understands how life actually is?  I, personally, have resigned myself to knowing how life does work, I mean, at some point you've just got to surrender, and that helps a lot.  Because I don't have to fight it.  It is not what we think it should be and it is not what we want it to be, but it is a brilliant and crazy landscape of unpredictable.   And we get to live it.  I do believe that there is a best way to do it.  And I want to do it that way.

And, guess what? I don't have to write about AT&T anymore, as of this instant, thank god! The technician just left and it's working! And we became friends too and are going to have dinner tonight.  Haha, leave it to me.  I have a good feeling about this week.  I think I'm going to get out and be able to write of something else like I've been wanting to, some trek out in LA.  Oh, that would be so good!  And, see, this didn't go the way I would have wanted it to at all, but, somehow, it's been wonderful.  


Monday, December 5, 2011

Internet







Again, this week, no proper outing.  And I tried, I did try.  I was supposed to go to the MOCA downtown with my friend Chris.  He bailed, as happens regularly in LA, but he had good reason and was not happy about it.  Plumbing and cell phone issues.  And I will admit that I am guilty of flaking as well now, as it is a learned custom of life in Los Angeles.  Which totally makes sense here, because it takes a lot to do anything with anyone.  No one lives conveniently nearby, there's always the matter of time and transportation and parking and getting home and traffic and every detail in between because we are just too spread out.  And you just sort of adapt to making plans and having them fall through.  In fact, you almost anticipate it.

But it's funny, because I watch life a lot.  And I know that people always say that everything happens for a reason, but I don't know if they really know the reasons.  I swear I do, because I always observe things as they happen after a roadblock or hurdle or change of plans, to see where it leads, and things seem to truly happen for reasons that I can actually explain when all is said and done, because I've watched it.  Just give it a while, and if you watch it too, you will always see why.  I think understanding life takes a lot more patience than we think.  But the sum total, it's going to be perfect.  

Chris and I ended up going to the Solar de Cahuenga Cafe later that day, after everything was in order in his life (well, I wouldn't say everything, but a couple of things...little by little, my dear, we battle through this life).  And I must give him major credit for the same day raincheck, as it usually takes weeks before a plan is rehashed in LA.  That cafe has long been a nearby, favorite, all hours sort of spot for me.  It's most recently been my local internet post these couple of weeks, as I have had a very difficult time getting internet transferred to my new place.  Chris doesn't have internet where he lives, god knows why, and so it was a mutual gain.  

Solar de Cahuenga is a very cool locale for internet use, I've now gathered.  And it's been fun to go there during my apartment transition because the crowd is interesting and everyone seems to be doing something of value, or at least that they care about, or at least that takes a lot of time and concentration.  I try not to, but I can't help but glance at the computer screens as I walk to my table, and it seems like no one is just browsing the internet, but doing something rather substantial, like typing and editing and making things.  I don't know, but that's how it looks.  Which I love, because it's like an enterprising place.  And they serve really really good sweet potato fries.  That's a plus.

So that night, we, of course, were the only ones just browsing the internet.   And at some point we decided that we were going to get tattoos together and I drew mine out on my wrist because I've just been waiting for the day, and then at some point we decided to take a trip to Mexico City in the near future.  And we researched and we have a plan.  So that was productive, because those are things I will definitely be able to write about when they happen.

Anyway, the things happening for a reason trajectory.  That night, I called AT&T to figure out where my internet was, and it was supposedly on it's way, by last night at the latest.  But I didn't get it last night.  So I called them again and apparently the order was re-set on my last conversation and won't get here for a few more days.  But the beauty of the inquiry was that at the end of our chat (I get pretty chatty with representatives), the guy on the other end, Joe, thanked me for my wonderful spirit.  And he said that he needed something like that in his job to make it worth it and that I brought meaning to his holiday season.  I mean, seriously, the AT&T representative liked my spirit, and shamelessly told me so in those new-age words, even though it's recorded and everything.  Now that's a reason.  

A small inconvenience in my own life led to a much greater happiness in someone else's.  And I've always believed that if you are just really good to people and really open, you can seriously change their lives.  Even if it's just that they will be good to someone else, or feel a small sense of joy or, like Joe said, meaning.  That is so much more important to me than having my internet up and running.  I'll wait, happily and patiently. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

Thanksgiving







photos: Jonathan Mash


No adventure this week since I just moved in to a new apartment, completely spontaneously.  The apartment next door to me just opened up last week and I walked in there out of curiosity and immediately felt like it was meant for me.  Like it was a doorway into a new trajectory that has just been waiting for me to be ready for it.  So I moved in.  I thanked my sweet tiny studio for giving me six years and it was overflowing with memories, but I knew it so deeply, it was time to move on. 

So, I found out I had to paint my old apartment back to white on Thanksgiving.  No Thanksgiving parties, no football all afternoon (oh, bummer).  My friend Jonathan offered to help me, and, thank the lord he did, as I would have been standing there with a roller in my hand, and a paint bucket, staring at the wall just going, uhhhhhhhh.  So he was a master painter and I made him a victory Thanksgiving feast in return.  In my new huge kitchen for which I am, perhaps, the most grateful.

I am thankful for my whole entire life right now and the little alterations that seem to be occurring.  Strangely, I've found, with my new apartment, everything else seems to be changing as well.  For the better.  Way for the better. In subtle ways that just feel right.  Like how I'm up early right now sitting at a cafe with a big bowl of coffee and a croissant and I feel the same joy and fascination in the world that I do when I'm traveling.  

Which is what I wanted to happen with this writing experiment.  To travel around LA and through my life and welcome whatever it has to show me.  And somehow, it's working in even the smallest ways.  I'm seeing the city with new eyes, even if I'm doing the same things I've always done.  And life feels good and I am embracing this strange and simple happiness it seems to be bringing to me.  I do wonder, where did this constant current of alchemy come from that seems to have befallen me?

Maybe it's because I've been so intent on being brave recently.  And really just trusting life and pushing fear to the wayside and not over-thinking everything and being myself as much and as fully as possible.  Maybe that's it.  When you just decide to do exactly what feels right, what feels like it's coming from your truest most pure heart of hearts, like the heart that made decisions when you were young and free and unsullied by the heavy weary work of making it through this world, then you find that life sort of takes you in its clutches and gives you all that you need.  Maybe?

Anyway, I'm beginning to feel like I am becoming ever more me every day.  And it kind of started with this blog and then I got the apartment, and a happiness and drive has taken over. And life is beginning to seem more incredible than it has felt in a long time.  And that's saying a lot, coming from a girl who has always been acutely, almost painstakingly aware of how incredible life is.  But, seriously, lately.  Just this existence, it's almost overwhelming how it unfolds. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

Cabo Cantina






Went to the newly opened Cabo Cantina on Hollywood Boulevard.  I have no idea where it came from or when either.  It's crazy, because it's only a few blocks from my place and it seems like it just popped up out of the blue.  But it triggered something in me when I spotted it.  I used to go to the one on Sunset Boulevard with my sweetest of LA friends.  Fond memories of that time, back when we all lived here, young and naive and didn't quite realize what life was going to bring.  Now we're all dispersed around the country, each taking our own varied paths through this world.  A little more battered and bruised, a lot wiser.

So, this new Cabo, I had to check it out.  It's interesting and great because it seems to be an older crowd, I mean like late 20s early 30s, like me crowd.  I swear someone was even sitting by himself reading a newspaper.  So it's not like rowdy college spring break in Cancun style at all.  Just a good place where locals go to get out, making Hollywood feel ever more like a town and less like a tourist casserole.

Anyway, my friend Bethany and I, we went the other night.  We got the varietal appetizer.  A medley of five different dips with chips…yummy. And then, when I ordered my margarita, things got complicated.  It was happy hour, so 2 for 1, and who knows how long we were going to dwell there.  Anyway, I order a margarita and the waitress  gives me the option of the four small margaritas she apparently foresaw me having when all was said and done, or one big one.  The big one being less than the four, price-wise, but equal in volume.  And it got me thinking way more than ordering a margarita should. 

I pondered forever and after deliberation and getting up and down half-way out of the booth to change my order several times and laughing and trying to figure out why it was so difficult to figure it out, I finally decided on the one big one, which dear Bethany already knew I would regret. God, she knows me!  So I get my one big margarita and was already bummed because I realized I love having a lot of small things over one big.  I don't really care about the better deal.  I mean, I enjoyed it, but it's just so much more fun for me to have a multitude.  And to not be stuck with one choice, but to be able to decide as I go.

On a deeper level, I guess it's just how I am with life in general.  I always want the variety.  I always want to see the small pieces.  The little things, the moments, they just make so much more sense.  

The details, now those I find forever fascinating. Those are easy. The theme, however, the big one, that's what most boggles me. When I begin wondering what it's all about, durrr... there I get muddled.  I mean, sometimes, sometimes, just for brief fleeting flashes, I get it. Clarity for about five seconds, but then it's lost. 

So I suppose that's why I revel in the details and savor each step. Because when I get stuck contemplating the plot too much, if I settle into it before I can shake myself out, I do get depressed. Suddenly I look around and nothing makes sense. The metaphorical rainbows and butterflies that are usually surrounding me, the sunshine that I try and keep in the foreground, it all disappears and it is grey grey grey. 

And the only thing I can do when that happens is to let it be and try and revel in that place as well. To be quiet and let myself cry and give myself liberty to not understand anything at all. And when I do that, there is something gentle and beautiful and hushed in the deep confusion. There is something so real about that sadness. And I know now, because, god, I've been me for long enough, I know it will pass eventually, and that I will be uplifted again.   

In any case, we did well with the appetizer. And hooray, a Cabo Cantina in this Hollywood village of mine!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Runyon





Went hiking up Runyon Canyon the other morning. As I do on many mornings, and each time it's so different up there. Last week, I ascended through thick thick clouds, and then, almost to the top, I stepped out of the clouds like a curtain and the sky was spotlessly blue and clear and the sun was shining so brightly and it was just me and the crows in a warm pocket of blue and yellow on a grey dance floor. Like it's own small world, the top of a mountain and a bright sunny sky. And two feet below, the thickest ocean of clouds, forever, endless, nothing but clouds and the tippy tops of a couple of buildings downtown trying to break through. 

Such serenity up there. Which most people don't experience on that hike as it's basically LA traffic expressed in humans and dogs instead of cars. It makes sense, though, since the hiking trail juts right out of Hollywood up to Mulholland Drive. So many people, lucky to have a hiking trail in the very heart of the city.  Or, at least, I always feel lucky about it. And it definitely deserves its own post by me, as it is my meditation, my therapy, my endorphin fix, source of energy, release and sweaty clarity.

For me, it's never too crowded.  I usually go so early in the morning, there are very few other people. Those I did pass that day above the clouds, well, they must have thought I was a little bit crazy because I was so unabashedly joyous and was not afraid to let them in on it. So it was me, running and skipping past people saying, It's like Runyon Heaven up here! Isn't it just gorgeous up here this morning?! I bet we'll never see it like this again! It's soooo beautiful!

This last morning, well, it's winter, for sure.  Started raining. And I love when winter comes. But it's so different now. Though I still love it. Here in LA, winter is fun because we get to wear sweaters and maybe retire the flip-flops and if I'm lucky, it will rain a lot. 

But, I guess it's nostalgia that makes me so excited inside when winter arrives and why I love winter so much still, for so many reasons. Because in Colorado, where I'm from,  winter means the dawn of skiing and snowboarding and telemarking and snowshoeing and so many of the things I loved to do. The things you have to wait for. And it means inner tubing down the mountains and hot chocolate and fireplaces and very warm blankets and the world covered in blue under the moonlight. It means my dad pulling on my toes to wake me up saying, don't go to school today, it's a powder day! It means tying our sleds to the back of the old Toyota Landcruiser while dad plows the driveway in the morning. 

It's gathering snow in a cup and adding milk and sugar and cinnamon and eating it like it's ice cream. And it's glittering snow on the hills, feet and feet deep. And jumping off the roof into that glittering snow laughing.  And it's fresh vegetable soup and my mom in fuzzy boots and oatmeal and icy roads and birds perched on fluffy white trees. And mostly, it means being warm and loved and happy. 

Monday, November 7, 2011

Yamashiro's






The first outing, Yamashiro's. Impromptu, because I was going to start with my favorite restaurant, but it was closed on this particular night. Well of course it was because that's mostly how it goes. It just is. Things not going as planned seems quite a general theme of life, which is why I've tried to become an expert at handling, well, all of it.  I guess I learned a long time ago that we're just not in control of too much. Possibly anything.  Our only decisions seem to come not in what happens, but in how we will be with what happens.

So a new plan. Yamashiro's seemed a nice alternative to the original idea. Which, yay, I can still look forward to! But, to Yamashiro's. It's so beautiful there. It's an iconic Hollywood restaurant at the top of the hill overlooking the city and is definitely a tourist destination, but I love it because I can walk there and for so many reasons, actually. Sweeping view of the sparkling city. Paths through the gardens on the hillside. And the summer night-time farmer's market they host is one of my absolute favorite things, but that will have to wait until April, when it begins again.

Anyway, delicious shared dinner with my friend. A plate colorfully striped with vegetables and noodles and some crazy delicious flavors coming from somewhere. So, so delightful. I love sharing food. Oh, how I love and have always loved that! There is something so engaging about it. And you are connected by the food itself, so it becomes more of a living element of the whole experience. Being with others, tasting the same flavors. Just good. 

I wonder, sometimes, do I enjoy these small things more than most? Probably. It seems that when I'm in a restaurant, I'm the person having the most fun. I look around and it's like everyone else is trying to play by some rules that I'm still trying to figure out and then I giggle too hard and drop my fork and the champagne spills and I laugh some more….But maybe it's just that I grew up in the restaurant business and am so comfortable with it all, like it's my element. Except, then again, even when I walk down the street or go to the market, I feel like I'm having the most fun. I just find this adventure here so very interesting. 

After dinner, we walked the gardens. Looking out over the whole of Los Angeles. That is always such a beautiful moment for me. I remember flying into LAX many years ago and saying to myself, god, I could never live here! So sprawling. Just a sea of pavement and buildings for miles and miles and too many miles! And here I am, nine years in, and it's home. And I love it.

I flew back here from a visit to New York a few months ago, and I was so happy to return to that same stone sea. And I tried to figure out what it is, exactly, about this city that I love so much and I realized, the main thing is, it's so expansive. And I am too. So it just suits me. Because the thing I fear almost the most is feeling trapped. 

Here, on certain days of the year, when I go hiking, I can see the mountains dusted with snow to my left, and the ocean spanning straight to the horizon to my right. And then I look to the streets and buildings and neighborhoods and towns in between, and all I see are memories, sweet sweet memories. And I know that I have been living here, really living, the way I have always wanted to.  

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I Embark



In light of the fact that I might end up waiting forever to have the time and funds to take off and travel the world and write about my experiences, I've devised a new plan.  Here it is. This better, more realistic plan. Stay here, and write about that. And why have I not thought of this before? Ah! Probably because putting something off is sometimes so appealing. A great excuse not to do something is a safe and trusting companion. "I would write, only I can't make it around the world just yet."  

Screw it. Courage, I am yours. I am not going to wait anymore. I will stay here. I will stay here in LA. I will stay with my life just as it is, and experience it and write about it. A journey that is readily at hand. The one I have already been on for so long. 

So maybe I won't get to have a week-long love affair in Barcelona, but who's to say I won't have that week-long love affair with a Spaniard right here on the firma terra of this wildly interesting, this often magical place? And perhaps I will not be blessed by the Ganges any time soon, but what if I find a waterfall in Malibu that will bless me just as well? And I may not snorkel off the shores of Argentina, but I get to be here, right here, and I get to live.

I will no longer be prey to the grass being greener syndrome. Oh, no, I will not! Sign me up for life here. Let's see what I have to say about that. I want to dig into the world ever more, the rugged ragged illuminated confusing world, the mischief, the joy, the heartbreak, the freedom, all of it. I am ready…well, reluctantly, because I'm also scared as hell to begin. It takes some serious bravery to share yourself, really who you are, completely, entirely. Bless those who do it. Me, I'm scared. 

But, I have a fool-proof idea, for, interestingly, this creative spirit, she responds well to structure. Thus, I will fuel this correspondence about my voyage in the life of myself with weekly outings. I imagine, knowing me as I do, that I won't much write about the places themselves, but the destinations will get me out into the world and offer a starting point from which my thoughts and musings can materialize. They will be intentional fodder, but If something arises that I simply must write about, don't you worry, I won't hold out on you. You, the lovely void to which I write, and, some day, maybe, real, actual people!

And so, I embark.